Bipolar Disorder

[Meredia]

This post is something that's taking me a lot of courage to write. I'm writing it because, regardless of all else, I like the people I have met here, and I want them to understand what has been going on with me and why I act the way I do.

Recently I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If you don't know what it is, you can find more information at its Wiki entry at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder . To sum it up briefly, it's a mix of very high emotions with very low emotions. Mine rapid-cycles as well, so it will sometimes happen within the same day, sometimes the same hour, and leads to anger, depression, guilt, hopelessness, and other such painful emotions.

Because of this, I have lashed out at many people. You know who you are; I'm not going to name any names. The first thing I would like to say about this is that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have caused. What I'm asking for here is your understanding in this endeavor. I've begun medical treatment for this, including medication. It's helped some with the anger, but not as much with the depression, and is an ongoing process. So what I would ask from all of you is to help me be aware of these things. If I'm freaking out on you, seem to be getting angry, irrationally ill-tempered, very depressed, so on, send me a quick tell stating such. Often times I'm not even the slightest bit aware that I'm out of control, and just the awareness of it goes a long way to curb the anger aspect a lot of the time. The medication takes some time to work, and I'm fairly certain the dosage/type/whatever isn't quite right yet. Just know I am trying my hardest, and am asking for your help and understanding.

Hala is one of my best coping methods. I love roleplaying, even just the busywork that I go about doing when I'm alone. Something to do helps me to feel productive when I've nothing to do, as I've been forced to give up my schooling for this semester until the medication is managed, and can't work any job during this.

I'm asking for your help, and understanding while I work through this. I don't want to be a burden (which is, in fact, one of my great anxieties)... But I can only do so much alone.

[T'Holoth Shadowborn]

Because of this, I have lashed out at many people. You know who you are; I'm not going to name any names

I think you should mention names my friend.

With all respect and compasion Meredia, appologies go A LOT farther when you specifically name the people you've hurt.
It gives them sense of closure and you a sense of taking responsibility for ones actions.

I'm a bit of a subject matter expert on appologies, I've stepped on a lot of toes and burnt many a bridge.

So what I would ask from all of you is to help me be aware of these things. If I'm freaking out on you, seem to be getting angry, irrationally ill-tempered, very depressed, so on, send me a quick tell stating such

Hala is one of my best coping methods. I love roleplaying, even just the busywork that I go about doing when I'm alone. Something to do helps me to feel productive when I've nothing to do, as I've been forced to give up my schooling for this semester until the medication is managed, and can't work any job during this.

Please don't see this as me kicking you while your down.
You were very honest with a personal affliction so with respect, I'm being very honest with my opinion.

A role playing enviroment such as Hala/copap MIGHT not be the best place to help cope with your affliction. I'm quite confident it isn't.
In the 3 odd years I've been here I've een many a player RP in copap as a way to get rid of stress only to have it compounded by a thousand times. I myself and guilty of it as well.
RP gone wrong, frustration over someone not seeing your point of view, someone messing with your character out of percieved spite can really set someone off.

I hope you're lucky enough to avoid those situations and I hope if those situation DO occur you possess the will power to take a step back, log out and realign yourself.

cheers

[Chemical-Burn]

Heh i kinda thought that about CoPaP and any RP like that not helping since your trying to keep your head in the mindset of the alignment and character instead of trying to find norm fo the player. But again thats just what i think based on nothing but what i assume from situations.